Umbridge is a Gou'ld
by Cay
Summary: Stargate mixed with Harry Potter.... Will the maddness ever stop! Obivious not. Give it a spin you'll like it.
1. Default Chapter

Umbridge is a Gou'ld  
  
By: Cay  
  
Beta-ed By: Krissie  
  
A/N: I have a beta-reader. Wow. Cool. This is a Stargate/Harry Potter crossover. You don't have to know anything about Stargate to read this but it would help but it's ok if you don't know anything about it. I'll try to explain things well enough for people not into Stargate like me and my friends.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And this story takes place in the 5th book if you didn't know. I'll try not to ruin to much it might not be helped.  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Hogwarts was a big place. Take that back, a huge place. No, scratch that, a gianta-mungas place. No matter how you look at it, it's easy for even 5th years to get lost in unfamiliar parts of this gianta-mungas place.  
  
Three teenagers walked the silent halls of one of the oldest, most little used parts of Hogwarts. It seemed that it has been years since anyone had even walked through this part of Hogwarts. The light coming through the windows was filtered by a layer of nice old dust, and just the feeling of this area was closed and not very welcoming. The day was not looking up. In fact, the whole year was not looking up for Harry, Ron, and Hermione. It started out bad with evil, demon-teacher Umbridge and it got worse with evil, demon-high-inquisitor-teacher Umbridge, and now here they go and get lost in Hogwarts! Oh and they were late for evil, demon-high-inquistior-teacher Umbridge's, demonic, MOM-approved, Defense Against the Dark Arts class.   
  
"Harry how could you forget the map?" Hermione asked, exasperated, and tired of wandering in circles.  
  
"Easily," Ron said. "As proven by the fact that he did."  
  
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that we were going to need it?" Harry growled under his breath, rising to his defense since it seemed no one else was going to.   
  
Hermione noticed this and tried to steer the conversation to something that wouldn't have everybody blowing up at everybody else.   
  
"Umbridge is going to think we ditched."  
  
"Who cares what the demon thinks?" Ron said. "It's not like we ever learn anything in that class anyway. We get a lot more done on our own than with her."  
  
Harry gave a small smile.  
  
"Ron, she'll give us detention, and you saw what she did to Harry!" Hermione snapped shrilly.  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
"Let's go this way. I think it will get us back to civilization." Harry said, pointing down a hallway that looked no different from the one they were down.   
  
Hermione looked defeated. To her, that hallway looked no different from the rest, but hey, maybe they'd run into Filch and really get back to civilization. Oh dear, this was bad--she was hoping to run into Filch. Bad. Very bad.  
  
They walked down the hallway in silence for a while. Ron started to whistle, Hermione tried to ignore Ron ( " I will not curse my best friend. I will not curse my best friend." ), and Harry... Harry noticed that one of the doors down the corridor was ajar. Hum....  
  
"Hum..." said Harry as he walked to the door. " Wonder what's behind door #1." He reached for the handle.  
  
"Harry we shouldn't--" Hermione said.  
  
"Loosen up Hermione." Ron retorted.Harry opened the door to reveal– Nothing. The room was empty, except for a ring design on the floor and a panel on the wall. There was plenty of dust on the floor, which made Hermione sneeze.  
  
"Anticlimactic, this is." Ron said. "You'd thing there would be something at least."  
  
Harry walked to the middle of the ring design. Hermione walked to the edge of the ring and put her book bag down and massaged her shoulder with one hand (With all the classes she's taking, it was heavy with knowledge) while bending down to examine the design. Ron however, had found a panel with seven buttons on it.  
  
"This design is interesting. I think there might be something like it in one off my books." Hermione said as he got out one of her books and started to write notes in it. She put the book back on top of the bag and got up to look around the room.  
  
"Wonder what these do?" Ron said hitting six random buttons.  
  
An odd mechanical sound came from the design, and 5 rings descended from the ceiling, and then, in a flash of white light, they went back up into the ceiling. Ron and Hermione covered their eyes. Hermione opened her eyes first.  
  
"AGGRRRHHHH!" Hermione screamed, "My book bag! Ron you destroyed my book bag!"  
  
Ron looked down at her book bag. It was only half there. Her books were cut neatly in half. Ron looked up to where Harry should have been and paled, his freckles showing in dark contrast to his ghost-white face. "Oh. Bloody hell. I just killed my best friend."  
  
~~~  
  
Far from the truth (As anyone who watches Stargate-Sg1 would know.), Ron did not kill his best friend. Harry was quite alive, just a bit disoriented. One second he was at Hogwarts, lost, the next he was... ... ... somewhere else. Somewhere where they used a lot of gold in the decoration. Harry was surprised the floor wasn't gold; everything else was. The walls and ceiling seemed to be covered with it, and the light coming off the wall mounted lights seemed intensified by it.   
  
"Where the hell am I?" Harry asked no one in particular and started to look around. On closer inspection of the walls Harry found them covered with Egyptian hieroglyphs. 'Hermione would love this.' Harry thought noticing a panel of 7 cool looking buttons on the walls, which he of course pressed, who wouldn't? He was rewarded by the rings reappearing along with... ...  
  
~~~  
  
Ron, in shock and disbelief, walked in to the middle of the ring.  
  
"Ron you idiot!" Cried Hermione, running to get Ron out the ring. But she was too slow, for the ring came back to life and-  
  
"Oh. Bloody hell." Neither Ron nor Hermione were sure who said that.  
  
~~~  
  
When the rings disappeared into the floor again, Harry was glad to see Ron and Hermione standing there in shock. Not that he was glad they were in shock, just glad that they were there.  
  
"Ron! Hermione!""Harry? Harry!!!"  
  
Harry suddenly found himself being hugged by Ron and Hermione.  
  
"I didn't kill you. Thank Merlin." Ron shouted, putting Harry in a headlock and messing up his hair even more.  
  
"You will if you don't let me breathe!" Harry said in a choked voice.   
  
"Sorry." Ron quickly let go of Harry, who took deep breaths, trying to get air back into his lungs.   
  
"How very interesting." Hermione said running her fingers over the glyphs on the walls. She ran over to Ron, turned him around, pulled a book out of his bag and ran back over to the wall. Hermione then pulled a quill out off a pocket and began scribbling notes in Ron's book.   
  
"Hey that's my book, you know." Ron said.  
  
"I know and I'm using it because you destroyed mine."  
  
"I did not."   
  
"Did too. They are now split in half because you had to play with that panel on the wall."  
  
"That is so unfair--"  
  
"No. That's the truth."  
  
"Hush, both off you." Harry said. There was an ominous metallic stomping heading in their direction.  
  
Ron gulped. "What's that?"  
  
"Seems we'll find out soon enough..." said Hermione as a bunch of humanoid looking soldiers came marching around the corner.   
  
They stopped. It seemed they all had metal helmets that covered their faces and looked liked frogs. They all carried staffs, and looked like they could hurt a person really, really badly. The one in the front seemed to regain his composure.   
  
"Jaffa. Kree." He called out, pointing his staff at the three kids.   
  
They didn't wait to find out what "Kree" meant. Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned heel and down the labyrinth of gold and marble. 


	2. The Next Chapter

Umbrige is a Goul'd  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And this story takes place in the 5th book if you didn't know. I'll try not to ruin to much it might not be helped.  
  
A/N: I need to think about what to do next. So give me a while. Thanks to those who reviewed and thank you Krissie for betaing. You're the best of the best. ^_^ Every one go read THE GOOD DON'T SMIRK. by krissie I helped with it. It's one of the best. Read it. Luv ya all. See ya soon. ^_^  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter 2  
  
They ran for a very long time; once they stopped to rest and figure out where they were, and they found out... they were lost. As easy as it was to get lost in the familiar corridors of Hogwarts, it was easier to get lost in the brand new, not at all familiar corridors of this- place. The three of them fell against one of the walls. All of them were breathing hard, and trying to figure out what was going on.  
  
"Ok. Anyone know where we are? Or what those - those frog things were?" Ron asked, the first one to get his breath back.  
  
"No clue. And I don't want to know. I just want to get out of here," said Harry but like Ron he looked expectantly at Hermione for the answer. Hermione looked back at them. Then after, about a minute of this she broke the silence.  
  
"I don't know everything you know!"  
  
Ron and Harry gasped.  
  
"I never thought she would admit that!"  
  
"I know...spooky."  
  
"You know, I think the world is going to end."  
  
"Oh shut up you two." Hermione said, annoyed. "Just because I don't know doesn't mean I don't have a guess."  
  
"Uh-huh," said Ron with a grin. This earned him a glare from Hermione as she took a deep breath. Harry got comfortable, looked like he and Ron were going to learn something whether they liked it or not.  
  
"I'm guessing that those people who were chasing us are called Jaffa's because before they pointed there weapons at us, the one in the lead called them that. And I'm guessing we are in some kind of temple or house of a god because that glyphs that I were looking at spoke of a goddess of punishment. And--"  
  
They never did hear what else Hermione was going to say because that metallic stomping came back again.   
  
"Don't those guys give up?" Harry growled and grabbed Hermione and Ron shoving them into the shadow cast by a divider set on the other side of the wall. The stomping stopped and all three of them carefully peered around the corner. To their shock and worry they found that the guards had stopped right in front of them, but thankfully not facing them.  
  
There were two columns of guards, about 5 guards in each, and they were leading two men. Both the men were wearing black shirts and khaki military pants. It was obvious by their hands that they had been subject to Umbridge torture.  
  
The frog face in front pressed something on the wall and the wall slid away. Hermione gasped. Ron elbowed her. Harry glared at both. The wall had seemed solid when they were leaning against it but behind it was a large room that looked out onto– earth.   
  
The frog face in the lead bowed in front of something that they couldn't see and pushed something on his helmet. The helmet came down to reveal a human face. Then an odd childish reverberating voice said something they couldn't understand, but they knew whose voice that was no problem.(Even if it did reverberate.) Umbridge. Oh, how this day just got better and better.  
  
"My lady," said the Jaffa. "We have been unable to get any information out of the captives."  
  
"Then you must try hard to get them to understand that one must not tell lies or keep information from me," said that disgustingly childish voice.  
  
"Oh yes, like making us write lines is going to give you oh, so much information," one of the prisoners said in a sarcastic voice. Her looked about in his mid-40's and his short brown hair was already graying, but something about him said clearly, "I can still beat the shit outta you if I feel like it," but even though he looked like he could beat you up he didn't look like he would.  
  
"Kree," said one fo the Jaffa in line and hit the man in the head.  
  
"Oww."  
  
The other captive made to help his friend or beat up the other guard--you couldn't be sure which. If the one who said something looked like he was strong, that was nothing next to the man beside him. He was a very, very strong black man with a gold tattoo molded onto his forehead, that much you could tell by looking at him. You could also tell by looking at him that he could probably break a person on accident, so clearly you didn't want him to get to break you on propose. Two other guards pointed their staff weapons at this man and he stopped.  
  
The tension hung thick in the air as another frog face marched into the room.   
  
"Goddess forgive me. Three children have come through the rings. We attempted to capture them but they run fast."  
  
"WHAT? How could you let this happen. Fool. KREE!!" Three other guard type people seemed to appear out of nowhere. In reality they were just hidden from sight by a pillar.   
  
"FIND THESE CHILDREN! AT ONCE!"   
  
Yes! We shall dispose of them at once, goddess."  
  
"No, you fool!" Umbridge hissed. "Bring them alive. Do you want to bring Dumbledore down upon us now?"  
  
"Yes, your goddessness-ness."   
  
Hermione shook her head at the made up word, Ron looked like he was going to laugh, and Harry gave a faint sound of disbelief that there was a person that--nice way of putting it--stupid. The guard that had come in went out with three others at his heels and then, with a wary voice, told Umbridge told the other to send the prisoners back to their cell.   
  
~~~~  
  
When the clanking of many metal covered feet had resided, Hermione looked at the other two.  
  
"Well?" she said.  
  
"Well what?" said Ron.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes at the two. "Shall we go and help those people?"  
  
"What?" Ron said in shocked voice. "How do we know we can trust them?"  
  
"Hermione's right." Harry said. Ron looked at him like he was mad.   
  
"Are you mad?"   
  
"No, think about it. Whatever's going on has to do with Umbridge, and we have no idea how to get out of here. They might." Harry pointed in the direction that the guards had taken the two prisoners. "If we help them and get them to help us we can get out of here."  
  
Ron couldn't fight that logic.  
  
"Ok, but I just want it known that I'm unsure about this."  
  
"Oh, whatever Ron," Hermione said, exasperated. "Come on now before we lose them." She grabbed her companions and pulled them in the direction that the guards had gone. 


End file.
